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HOME PHOTOS 1 PHOTOS 2 PHOTOS 3 PHOTOS 4 PHOTOS 5 PHOTOS 6 PHOTOS 7 PHOTOS 8 PHOTOS 9 PHOTOS 10 ACRONYMS POETRY VIDEO QUOTES DMH REPORT INVENTORY |
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Quotes from Doyle: "I am so fat my wetsuit stays up wihtout tying it" "This is better than any of the drugs I've taken!" "All these beautiful women at the beach, and I live in Prune City." "I know I am getting in shape when I can bounce "these" one at a time." "The ocean is not the pool." "Who knows, a truck could fall out of the sky and kill you (Gary) tomorrow. Too many good things out there to try. You do your thing, I'll do mine and see you at the funeral." "I am sooooo butt-white, even Mary noticed my pale legs and girth. I look good compared to most around here (Leisure World). Trust me, I will get in shape for the Senior Games, which "should" get me ready for you guys (P2P). Maybe I can get a little color before I hit the beach. I don't want to frighten any small children. I am The Great White Hope." "Ooooh-Weeee Baby!" "Doyle Math, it's not about exactitude, it's simply rounding up to the next highest mark, give or take a 1/4 mile or so." "DMH had to unzip my wetsuit about half way so I could breath." "Everybody at the pool knows me - the women really like my package." "I greased my crotch, but I forgot to grease my arm pits." "I was expecting some recreation, but ended up with an ordeal." Doyle referring to the cold, 62 degree water of Laguna Beach that he was not expecting. "I got one of those perfect ButterBall physiques, just stick one of those little thermometers in me, and you'll know when I'm done..." "You girls need to start leaving your security blankets (wetsuits) at home. Practically the whole beach was full of bunhuggers, even the girls!" "Martin still professes allegiance to Team Doyle, but will not be joining you at the public plunges with all their dirty lowlifes jumping in without first showering." "40 caliber, short round, rapid fire." Doyle referring to what he's packing in his Speedos at the Leisure World pool. "When you get to be my age, you start growing barnacles on your ass." "Greg, if you think you're dark now, you're gonna be like a piece of burnt toast when I am done with you." (He's Filipino.) "That secret weapon Weede has been talking about is the neoprene (sic) that he has been eating for the last 3 weeks." "I love this time of year. It's all about swimming. By the time the pier to pier comes around, I feel 30 years old." "I gotta try to get "a little" before I go fishing. You know, if I have too much testosterone going, I can't grab the anchovies out of the bait tank." "I went to SportMart and all that they had in Speedos were size 28. I am either going to have to lose weight or start wearing English Bloomers." "I'm so cold my xxxxs are hibernating. I swear, I'm like a bull- they're either receded, or hanging down to my knees. I wish my xxxx was that long!" "I never diet, its not in my genes." "At the Chamber Mixer, all the food except the raw veggie plate was loaded with fat. It was like a hippo farm. I told one guy if I keep coming to these mixers, I'll be dead in a year." "Well, it's 10:37 and way past my bedtime. I only needed 6 Advil since the swim to control the pain. I probably will need another session at Gundo before I am ready to swim with the Big Dogs." "Weede, get your sorry butt back here in California, I'm gaining on you (around the middle that is)." "I sleep every night with a hat and a snorkel sticking out from under the covers so my bald head doesn't get hypothermia." "Gary's buddy Steve said 'Gary wants to bet $10 a minute on the results next year.' Is Steve some kind of instigator? Gary, drop your rubber and let's get it on!" "With all the rubber (wetsuits) floating around out there, I could have walked on your puffed up behinds and done the race in a half an hour." "Weede, you better be strong, cause Dave is pulling a good stroke this year and I'm right behind him. I don't want to waist a minute listening to your sad laments of swimming with the WWWW's and the vomit and all." "I was swimming with an 8-month pregnant woman whom I can hardly keep up with. Yes, it's going to be a long summer for me. But I'll to train to beat John's midwest bulge." "Weede, I'll smoke you sucker! By the time the Women with Water Weenies (WWWW) gets done softening you up, I will be in fighting trim (200 lbs. of solid lard)." "That young blond guy "Woof" that has been kinda swimming with us since last year was putting the coals to Fergie. Although, Jack seemed to be keeping up with the Jones's. As usual I brought up the rear, and also I had to redirect those lost souls who were taking over our lane one. Fish, I thought the Dr. told your family to keep all sharp objects out of your reach do to inane clutsyness." "The ankle is fine, but I pulled a muscle in my lower left back. You know the kind that takes your breath away. How's the water temp there?" "It turns out that swimming in the ocean was easier than facing Fish in the pool due to my infirmaries." "I was body surfing the Banzai Pipeline on the Oahu's North Shore and got slammed into the bottom so hard that sand was lodged into my skin." "This year that darn Vic cheated worse than Fish and Fergie ever have." "It worked - I lowered the chandelier over the buffet table so a freeloading food monger like Fergie would bump his head." "Every which way - that is how I swim." "I know Fish and Fergie cheat every year at the start of the race. This time however, I will have those two bastards disqualified!" "The short term goal is to swim in the 60+ age group and hopefully still be kicking ass in my 70s. So don't let up, cause I'm not going away. We'll see who ages faster. Remember, I lay around on my fat ass resting up for the long haul. Although, I admit to whining about my little pains, I still manage to show up and show off. Bring it on!" "I thought I saw a shark's dorsal fin, but it was just Gary doing the back stroke." "I went to Hawthorne pool today and got in for the Senior Citizen rate of $1.00 ! I should be on a 10-10-220 commercial with Terry Bradshaw, bald head and all." |
Quotes from J-MAL: "The whales are on there way to Baja to have whale-letz. If one was close to shore, it may have been sick or disoriented. Or maybe it needed to stop at Target for sunglasses. They'll do their whale ritual on return north, unless they need to hit the Hustler Casino!" "I am a recovering Catholic (lifelong process), and the alcohol does help." "Ladies & gentz! TD members one & all! RELAX! No more swimming till Sun! No strenuous activity. Limit alcohol. Notice I say, limit. Eat much carbage all week! Forget about Cathy's rude awakening letter concerning the (I'll bet) over 1,000 thrashing aquatic enthusiasts you MAY encounter Sun morning. Think happy positive dolphin-like thoughtz!" “Yes my homies & hom-ettes, I will be able to schlep anyone from MB down to the start at HB pier. It's a truck, so we can pack plenty of TD in the back (like a load of day laborers in Speedos)." |
Quotes from the Team: "I'll count no lap after it's time" Ernest & Julio Doyle “DMH, you have a Camel Toe going there - just lift and separate." JD & Fish “Of course the girls will be alright Nancy. I vote for Japan! Just leave them a credit card with a $150 limit, and tell them when that's gone: "You're on your own!" J-MAL “I don't use Doyle Math, I use regular math.” -Emma In response to dad questioning the accuracy of her lap count. “All us intellects are here in Hermosa drinking in the bathroom...” -Socrates Hobo Junction™ "All gutters lead to the Ocean." -DMH "JD, I got you where I want' you, overweight and out of shape, but everybody already knows that." -Gary "It's pretty sad that a 7-year-old has more mileage than Doyle." -Fergie "I didn't attend public school sir, I was given regular beatings by the Franciscans!" -Jim Malina "Jeez JD, it took four of us to zip you up before we went out." -James "It's true Doyle. You've got a list of never ending, different excuses." -Julie "Change that caption, my paddleboard is not pink, it's red and white." -Tim "Golden Boy" Ferguson "Mark me down for 15 yards in the Disneyland hotel pool with my daughters. Out of breath, I called it a day." -Weede "You better not be slow!" -James "The Enforcer" Bailey "Tom and I finished the Solvang Century (104 miles) and ate like pigs at all the rest stops. I think I actually gained weight during the ride." -Weede "Resistance is futile, you WILL be assimilated." -Dunxsutawney Dave (DMH) "Yah, and Doyle has the breath of a whale too." -Martin "I am so fat, I feel like a sausage - a Ball Park Frank." -Kelly "Doyle without his voice, that's like Ron Jeremy without his wiener!" -Fish (a.k.a. Bubble Butt) The peaceful tranquility of the DeLuz Valley was rudely awakened by the "Mouth That Shouts" aka Doyle, and I had the sound turned down on my computer. Loved the "Ice Fisherman" video - the perfect way for the "Mouth" to meet his end. -Vic (Your man in Delusional DeLuz) "Where has the old fart who talks a lot been? I have not seen him in a few weeks." -Anonymous "We had Doyle for the weekend. I had forgotten how you cannot turn the volume down. We naturally had a constant reminder from him that if all the planets had been in alignment and gas was still 10 cents a gallon he could have broken the one hour barrier. Maybe next year when I consume vast amounts of muscle enhancing drugs, I'll whip Doyle's skinny ass again in the pier to pier. -Vic (The African American) "Why don't Mary and your fat old ass come down on a weekend, we can drink a few beers and you can whine on how you almost joined the illustrious Sub-1 Club. I am sure you will break an hour if you take my patented 'African American' Head Start Program - straight down the beach and parallel to the pier. For a really fast time run all the way down to the MB Pier. Just imagine me closing in and passing you during the last quarter of the race. That should motivate ya, you old fart. -Vic MacKenzie "We were just back in Pennsylvania, and John has told just about everyone in Pittsburgh that he is a 'Pacific Ocean' swimmer." -Mary Doyle "Its not about working out, its all about the chit chat. So, thank God we have Doyle leading the charge!" -Fish "Swam at the cove this morning and the shore was covered with buckets of giant dead squid. But we held up Team Doyle honor and swam anyway, trying not to suck in any tentacles in the process." -John Weede "I let loose like Mussolini from the balcony." Describing how he chewed-out a lifeguard at Torrance for sleeping on the job. -Fish "Team Doyle eats tentacles for breakfast!" -David M. Hershey "Since Doyle goes in for surgery at least once a year, the doctors are soon going to run out of procedures to perform. What's next? A boob job? Actually, he's already pretty sporty." -Fish "I am so cold, I can't even pee!" -Julie Kilker "Doyle...antibiotics? One day you'll run out of excuses. You're already running out of good ones!" -Julie Kilker Top Ten Reasons why Doyle Kicked my Butt
Your man from the 8:30 Group -Vic MacKenzie "You know it is far easier to post on his website than it is to talk to Doyle. He doesn't listen anyway! I swear I heard him talking underwater on Thursday night." -Vic MacKenzie Dear Mr. Doyle: Following my abuse at the swimming hole last night, I am compelled to send you a couple of photos that I hope you will include on your hedonistic web site. Also, you need to remove the allegations about my "cheating" on your web site or else you will be hearing from my attorneys. I would prefer it if you referred to my "shortcut" at last year's race as a Head Start minority program. I was born in Africa and I'm an American citizen. Therefore, I am an African American. We all know that African Americans are not known for their swimming skills. So, please look upon my shortened start with a bit more sympathy. Your windswept and debonair associate, -Vic MacKenzie "I was doing some simple math the other day and realized that Doyle is closer in age to my parents than he is to me—now that's old!" -Steve Fisher "Swimming yesterday, I had no trouble from the Women with Water Weenies (WWWW), but I am keeping an eye out for a hot one in case Mary dumps Doyle." -John Weede "I joined a new master's swimming group here in Michigan, and they actually swim more than talk. At least I'll stay in shape to widen my lead on Doyle at next year's Pier to Pier." -John Weede "Due to the fact that John's "Ache & Pain Whine Index" is off the charts this season, I would have to put his probable time at no more than 1:04:02, tops! Time marches on, and it's walking all over the Doyle." -Terry Schupmann "Doyle has been like a grandfather to me." -Steve Fisher "Before the 1998 race, John reminded everyone about the after race picture. But I thought he said "pitcher". So, after finishing the race, Fish and I proceeded up to Shellback Tavern to start drinking "pitchers" of beer. As time went on, we realized that we were missing out on the group "picture" (photo) being taken. As he gets older, he gets harder to understand, which is sad for someone who likes to talk as much as John." -Fergie |
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PHOTOS 6 PHOTOS 7 PHOTOS 8 PHOTOS 9 PHOTOS 10 ACRONYMS POETRY VIDEO QUOTES DMH REPORT INVENTORY |
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